The Earth used to be flat until they buried your mama

She needs fresh kitty literature.

First, a tractor.

Assuming her daughter may already be pregnant, her mother was furious. "What the hell? How'd you get knocked up like this? Who's the father?" "Mom, you've got it all wrong," her daughter replied, "It's a class project about the miracle of life." Her mother didn't believe her. "You'd better tell me who that baby's father is right now!" Tearfully, she said, "I don't know, mom! It was a group effort!"

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma.

You will be mist.

Because running at that speed hertz.

Just for spite!

That's ex orbit ant.

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"Yes," I replied. "Once I didn't sleep for four days because I was so preoccupied with how to decorate the interior of our living room. In my hysteria, I concluded that we'd need to spend £150,000 to fulfil my vision." "Okay...that's wonderful...But how does that bear *any* relation to computer-aided design?" "My wife bashed me over the head with a keyboard and made me see sense." **edit: interview*****er*** **(d'oh)**